new hair cut

(no subject)

His memorial service is next Sunday evening and my head is filled with all sorts of insane questions. Did he think twice about jumping in the canoe or was he too wasted? Was he at sea for long before he died? And, of course, the persistant nagging question, did he know he'd die out there floating on the water? I hope the answer to all of those questions is no.

I have a mix CD I burned for him on Nathan's computer. I'm going to bring it to the memorial and leave it with his girlfriend. Thats all we ever talked about really -- music and his girlfriend. I can't even begin to fathom the Hell she's been in. Losing Jason the weekend they were to move in together, just a week before Valentine's Day. She stopped by the store this afternoon, and I just didn't know what to say to her. It seems like no words I could utter could even begin to compare to the depths of what she must be feeling.

***

There is nothing I can write here that will make me feel even one iota better. I cancelled on a little KIP'ing (knitting in public!) with chanwich tonight, which was tres lame. I cried on the bus on the way home from work instead. And now I'm going to take the meager tips I made for putting up with assholes and rejects all afternoon, and dump them into my gas tank. Figuratively, of course. And perhaps then I'll have enough gas money to head over to Bongbadia so I can curl up on the couch with my sammay.
new hair cut

(no subject)

Okay, there has to be some posting of a to do list, because otherwise I'll flake on it all.

I am going to work until 1pm. Then I am going to Beth's Cafe with urbandivision to see plaidpants strutting her greasy diner waitress stuff. Then we are going to install the car stereo into Priscilla, unless its a really rainy and crappy day, because Priscilla leaks and that would be sad. Then I swear to Fuck I am at least going to clean my bedroom a little bit and make my bed. I live in a dumpster.



And now, I have to get ready for another mind numbing day of slinging lattes.
bastard. jerk. wanker.

And I'm Gilligan, muthafucka.

I've come to the conclusion that Portland is an island for me. Crazy things can be happening everywhere in the world (and from the looks of my inbox, actually are), and right now I'm just eating Froot Loops in Tigard, OR. We're going to meet Adam at his work in a couple hours and hopefully grab something to eat that's chief ingredient is not corn, cornsyrup, or partially hydrogenated vegetable oil. Maybe Adam will let us tour around town in his parents BMW with him.

Either way, its raining and I don't even care. I have nerdgoddess' hat to keep me warm. I really need to learn to knit hats that don't have that stupid nipple at the top. BUUUT, I did see that Carrie was wearing one during Part I of American Girl In Paris, when she goes to the payphone to call Miranda and be sad. Thank Fuck the hole in my life left by the departure of SATC will be filled in two short weeks by a new season of the Sopranos. I have to start getting Sunday night off.

I realized yesterday that I hadn't actually bought anything for myself in a really long time. Unless you count the twenty dollars I spent on clothes, but thats it for ages. I think today might include a stop at the Tigard Goodwill for some shirts.
  • Current Mood
    high high
new hair cut

(no subject)

I know that often times I have a propensity for being obtuse. But still, even I could recognize the cathartic irony of watching the final episode of a show that is about nothing else if not old friends, with my oldest friend.

I am going to marry Chris Noth.
new hair cut

(no subject)

BRAINIAC MOVE OF THE CENTURY:

Last night I dropped a can of soda and my CELLULAR PHONE into a gigantic puddle of mud as I was getting out of the car to go to Bongbadia. I only saw the fucking soda though, so I LEFT MY PHONE in the water all night long. I thought it was just somewhere in my purse or the car or something. Then this morning we go out to the car to take Michael to work and there it is, face plate and buttons up, battery down, in the mud. I feel so guilty that I left my poor loving phone out in the cold in the water all night long.

I have a temporary, but FUCK.
new hair cut

(no subject)

I live with people for a reason -- I need the security of knowing somebody is there while I'm sleeping. Because of .. certain pieces of my past .. I have a hard time falling asleep with the door to my bedroom open, and I have a hard time falling asleep in a bed with somebody unfamiliar. Everybody is gone again tonight, on vacation or sleeping at a significant other's, and this house which is normally full to the brim of people at every concievable hour is now completely devoid of life. On the nights where I have to sleep by myself, its really helpful to know that there are at least four other people around.

Sometimes to make the house seem smaller I'll turn on the radio in different rooms. Somehow when the sound fills the empty space, it doesn't feel empty anymore. Tonight I've chose to rely on other means of security, however. Tonight my comfort zone takes the form of a tiny little grey kitten named Tivo who won't get the fuck out of my lap or stop purring. She likes to hide herself inside the belly of my big sweatshirt and rest her head on my pudge. She also likes to drape herself across my hands and the laptop while I'm typing, which is a minor irritation. She too is under the weather -- I know she misses all the boys. She follows Whitney and I around diligently as we go about our business. She sits on top of the toilet while I shower.


I have so much to do and so very little motivation to do it. I have to clean the fuck out of my bedroom, do all my laundry, and clean out my car within the next week or so. I'm tired of all the clutter everywhere, I might go crazy.

Okay, its very late, and I must go to bed now. If I can get this damned cat off me.
  • Current Music
    its quiet here
new hair cut

(no subject)

Hello friends, I am back in the People Who Can Use The Internet At Home club. I bet you're all jealous as fuck, right? A tasteful reminder:

e-mail: louise@wartorn.org (this will change soon)
aim: yourficklemonkey (e-mail me if you want me to add you to my list, otherwise you can't IM me)
phone: 206.234.3148 (i don't answer unknown numbers, so leave a message)


More updates soon, to be sure.
new hair cut

Good to know the girls again

I went out to the Vous with my new coworker Marina last night and had so fucking much fun. So many of my friends are guys that I forget what its like to hang out with a woman. We talked all evening about guys and jobs and friends and our families and everything. Owen stopped by our table to flirt with Marina a bit, which was fabulous because I got to see more of his magic tricks! I asked him to show Marina the one where he disappears a lit cigarette into his bare hands, and then he followed up with a Jedi Mind Trick thing where he moved a fork across the table without touching it. And he finished with a great card trick involving some blank cards that got faces. Marina's face was classic -- her jaw dropped and her eyes were like quarters.

It was so nice to see all the familiar faces at the bar again. I haven't really been stopping by there all that often like I said I would. I wish somebody would put together a sCarrie reunion tour -- I even miss Josh's acerbic wit and slapstick improv. He's an incredible actor. As much resentment as I harboured towards him after opening night, I always loved to watch him on stage because he connects so well with the audience. He kept 50 show goers and everybody in the booth absolutely glued to him.

***

Valentine's was no extra excitement this year. Michael and I are both kind of broke after our vacation and I've been sick and he had to work til 615 or so that day. We decided to go to Mongolian and rent movies and head back to his place to hang with Kittie. On our way out the door to the restaurant, I got my period which made for a great romantic gift for my boyfriend (alskjdflakjsdfljaesd!!!!!). I spent all of dinner trying not to be sick, even though the food there is so fucking great. Then we picked up The Big Lebowski and Andromeda Strain and headed to his place, where I proceeded to fall asleep on the floor and die of uterus failure. We tried watching Andromeda Strain tonight, but I fell asleep again. Poor Kittie's had to see it twice now. Hah.

***

My house is empty right now. Nathan is moving out, so I've had the basement to myself since before we left for our parents. Sometimes I get scared downstairs alone at night, so I go upstairs and sleep on the couch for an hour or so before deciding my bed is more comfortable and worth the paranoid delusion that a scary rapist has taken up residence in that empty space on the other side of my bedroom wall or that maggots and worms are breeding in my mattress and will start poking through the sheets at any time. *shudder* Yeeeeessssh!

While we were in Savannah, Chris from upstairs went to Ireland for a while. He left a rent check for March, so nobody actually knows when he's coming home. And Blake rented a villa in Mexico with fifteen of his friends for a couple weeks, so the only people in the house are Whitney and I. Its almost a foreign feeling, being two girls in such a masculine house. The living room is a shrine to televised sports and there's a refridgerator just for kegs of Pabst. While they're gone we've coopted the big screens for romantic comedies and the Lifetime Channel (I feel you weedlover). I'm in charge of the geckos, which is Very Bad because there is one missing at the moment. I've had uninterrupted time with the Tivo everyday, which is totally weird. Normally you just watch what Blake is watching, which is generally televised sports, cartoons, or something from the Justice Channel and CourtTV.

***

There's a lot more random things I could say here. My legs are sore and my thighs are bruised from helping Michael move his new TV into the apartment. Work is such a different place than it was six weeks ago, new staff, soon a new manager (I'll be the assistant but thank Fuck they found somebody else because I was very worried I couldn't do it), different procedures, and I have a different attitude now that I'm second at the store so that Katie can be with her husband. I was in a car accident on Thursday and now my passenger side door doesn't shut properly.

But Michael's about to wake up and I think I'm going to go snooze the alarm with him.

***

Get used to this entry format, because I think its here to stay. Since my computer usage is sporadic at best, for a while you'll probably only see these generic updates.
  • Current Music
    Bongbadia's mechanised hum